What is My Truth and Nothing But My Truth?

Cycle #1/12  of 108 days of Happiness

Goddessa Action Strategy #1: Know Yourself

I thought I knew myself, but even I was surprised by the conclusion from my first 9-day cycle.

When I did my first 108 days of intense appreciation, I wanted to change my patterns of thinking into appreciation and acceptance. And it was very effective!

I asked myself 4 questions every day and in the beginning, I struggled. I struggled to answer them, to keep going every day with a mini blog, to collect insights and to be surprised by what came up. 108 days is a long period of life when many things are happening and changing: traveling, visiting family, new projects at work, and learning new things.

This time it was different. I was asking a question that brought up answers that would rock my world, not build it, like last time.

So again I have a renewed appreciation for the power of questions to challenge, enlighten and transform us.

This is what I wrote 9 days ago:

“What I am interested to know is:

What would happen if I were to do what I want every person on the planet to do?

What if I valued the importance of our unique happiness as a contribution to a happier world and challenged myself to go beyond the comfort zone and the obvious?

What if I tried to improve my happiness: body, heart, mind, and spirit?

What would happen then?

What would happen if I gave myself the permission to come to my own “point of allowing”? The place where we give ourselves space to follow our path and let happiness come to us and fill us up?

Can I let go of more damaging, outdated patterns and come to the receptivity, the magnetizing center where I experience happiness the most?”

So on day one, I was wondering; “What is my truth and nothing but my truth?”

That is a lovely question, but I don’t think I expected the answer to be so rebellious.

The Giant part of me was very happy to be finally heard: I was focusing on the wrong thing! My happiness is with connecting to people’s hearts: creating to connect, painting to connect, and singing to heal and connect.

How much of it do I do now? Why am I studying things I am not naturally good at and don’t really like?

I knew the answer to that: because I feel like I’m not good at it.

Going through the wheel, I realized that in wanting to get better, I had traveled away from my base happiness of creating and connecting.

On day two I went to have a Craniosacral therapy session with a yoga teacher in her seventies.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to be with, to learn from, and to be supported by a wise and older woman.

This last year, my life transformed for the better, through the process of shedding the emotions of the past and family patrons from my body. We really enjoyed the evolution together and the question that came up was “What do I need to trust more?”

Then I met a colleague in a cafe that is actually called Trust, a business concept that is inspiring for me.

On day 3 I became overwhelmed by the online business course I’m taking, by the marketers that had crept into my life, by my email, and by my Facebook page. And I realized that most of these things were subjecting me to all the psychological hacks and hooks that create the cocktail in my brain that makes me buy and breaks my heart.

I realized that because of the online business world I’ve entered, where I also learn beautiful things and truly enjoy transforming my art and business, I’ve made it so that my life is filled with people who have a passion for technology and conversion.

“ That”, said the bigger me, “ is not making me happy”.

I love wisdom, music, literature, media, film, animation, performing art, spirituality, and design. I am the happiest among the creative industry people, creators, amazing women, and artists.

So the question became “What do I want actually?

And as soon as I asked this question I felt my throat and a cold coming on.

On day 4 I realized that although I was doing a physical detox that week to purify my body, I actually needed a detox from the online business world.

That was a good idea but I already gave my commitment to a few things, including this challenge. I have to be online every day.

And that is interesting. I wanted to expand my happiness and communicate about it and I discovered that what I needed to relax more is to have less screen time.

Who would I be loyal to? To the plan, the expectation, or myself?

The question became: “Do I need another kind of detox?

On day 5 I woke up in a nightmare of being trapped; selling our home and buying a new home was creating anxiety.

My throat was hurting and I called my friend Willemijn who just finished exams for hypnotherapy. I thanked her for the beautiful words she wrote in my birthday card and I mentioned my painful throat.
“If you go in the pain in your throat what do you see?” she asked.

I smiled because I use this technique often on myself and on my clients.

This time I had to remember to let go of being the guide and just follow her.

“I see a big dam,” I said.

She wanted details.

I looked deeper.

It was extremely lush on one side and extremely infertile on the other. That was so intensely symbolic – again, an extreme contrast – but I let her do the thinking and took the role of the observer.

She asked me to describe the details and we started a spontaneous healing session.

What I found amazing was that in my vision this dam was suspended in the mountains of my childhood village. That by itself triggered more emotions.

Then when I wanted to connect the two sides of the dam and let the river gradually flow, I realized that what I was looking at was 180 degrees wrong.

The river could not flow up the mountains. I had to turn it so the river would go to where it was actually designed to go by nature – to the sea. With that change, I washed my tribe from the habits of struggles, shortages of water and from the program of going against the flow and not using the support of nature.

On day 6 I woke up to another nightmare. I watched the news and I shouldn’t have.

I had the desire to use my self and my voice to bring comfort and healing.

I was getting sicker and I had to cancel the 3 recordings of the next three days.

The only way for me to go further was to accept everything, including how I created this 108-Day Challenge. I had to accept what is happening and be willing to let go of control.

On days 7 and 8 I allowed myself to NOT be “up and running”, to NOT do all my “have to’s”, to not create, to not be prepared, to not answer my emails, not expect anything from myself and to not fight against reality.

If we are kind to ourselves (and fever helped), there is a lot of happiness in all of that.

Day 9 What do you mean surrender?

Today it is still raining and I still have a little fever but I’m getting myself out of bed to go to the new treating room of my healer friend Indra. I am going to have a session and even though she just offered it to me it feels as if I’ve been preparing for this one. I feel ready.

The session is profound and I sink into the chair and for the second time this week I allow my amazing healer friend to guide me. We dive deep and come to places in the past I haven’t visited for a long time.

There was a time when my world imploded into a thousand pieces and the journey of finding my happiness again began what is now the whole Happy Goddessa Program.

Now that I am closing a cycle it is time to release some old emotions, disappointments, and resentments. My soul wants to learn to surrender to what life is, who I am and what I am manifesting in this life.

labrynthKnow Yourself is the first of 12 action strategies from the HG 13 principles.

So how did I do?

What did I learn from this? How can I stay happy now?

Well, the past is over, no need to keep dragging it along.

Everything is an experience and an opportunity for growth.

Life and Source want us to succeed in bringing more light to our vessel, and the way to our success is through our hearts.

We can change and synchronize our belief system with our higher desire and mission.

I, personally, am an emotional person and I need to give myself more space to be the artist that I am.
My life is changing, especially with physically moving to a new home, and that is an opportunity to shift some focus.

Conclusion: I am going to give myself more time to do fewer things.