“I hate you” the pretty girl is screaming at me. “I hate all your choices!!!
“You ruined my life!!” She says with a twisted face.
I can’t complain that she is mad and uncensored.
I choose to do this self-healing session and invite a shadow sub-personality to tell me what he or she needs to say.
Something was bothering me today and I was taking it out on my unsuspected husband, so I decided to “face it head-on”, as I always tell my students of healing.
“I am here and I hear you,” I tell her.
She is suddenly deflated and her shoulders are hanging.
“That is what happens” I’m still talking to my imaginary students, “When you allow your sub-personality to talk to you. If you stick to it, a room for negotiation will be created”.
“My life is ruined and I’m already 24” she cries.
“Ok” I’m trying to think what to do and I decided to start from the beginning.
“What is your name?”
‘After the sub-personality appear to ask for their name’ I always suggest to my students.
She looks surprised.
“I’m Rayta” she answering slowly.
She still looks grumpy but at least the screaming has stopped.
“Why do you hate me?” I ask her and take the risk of awakening the angry monsters again.
“Because”, she says with disgust, “it’s your fault I made all the wrong choices and took all the wrong paths. Now my life is not what I wanted”
“What is wrong?” I ask patiently.
She looks to her left and suddenly she split from her body that is leaning on the counter and her transparent figure is walking towards a dream image. I look with admiration at the dramatic scene that is before me and the theater maker in me, just love the way she communicates.
In her dream scene, I see her traveling with a backpack across and exotic land, talking and laughing with tribal women and photographing children.
“This is the life I could have had,” she says with deep sorrow.
She shows me her award-winning exhibition in the city of black and white portraits from people around the world.
She is glowing with pride, being posing to the press surrounded by her loving parents.
The dream scene disappears and she is back on the counter.
“I took all the wrong decisions”. She says.
I notice that she doesn’t mention or blames me anymore.
“How can I help you?”
She looks at me with piercing eyes and command: “liberate me”.
A heavy sound of metal break the conversation and we both look at a giant word REGRET lying on the floor.
The word is made from cast iron and is still chained to her neck.
“Wow”, she is surprised. “it’s exactly how I feel.”
“You know,” I say carefully.
“You are the one who creates it all. You can make it what you want.” I look at her staring at the chain.
“What do you want?” I ask her in a soft voice
She is silent and looks at me and I can see her creative mind is spinning with all kinds of colors. What do I want? What do I want? What do I want?
Without answering me she cut the chain of the R-word from her neck.
She transports it to a melting pot and then pour the liquid iron to a new mold and produce the words ICanIDoIAm and place the shiny iron on the wall. She does all of it without moving from her place, she thinks about it and is very pleased to see it happens.
She is an artist. I marvel.
She moves and stands straight and balances herself on both legs.
For a minute she is wearing the colorful costume of cartoon figure Wonder Woman and start to laugh.
“I just wanted to see how far I can go,” she explains.
She makes a few funny moves and I smile.
Then she looks serious, her focus is within.
“I can still feel this R-word, it’s still crawling on me like insects”.
She looks at me for help.
I tell her honestly what I see.
“It is from your ancestors,” I say carefully, “around 25 generations back.”
She looks worried, so I quickly add that we all have viruses like this in our family lines.
“You can command it to go and they will leave you and your family and history for good.”
Her voice is trembling when she says:
“I command all signs of regret to leave my body, my field, my energy, my home, my family.
Thank you for your service, your job is done.”
I am so proud of her command.
Immediately a long line of black aunts is moving from her hands and feet to a nearby hill of earth.
We are watching with amazement the river of black dots leaving her being until the last dot is gone.
“I need a shower” she admits.
“It is tiring to let go,” I say trying to help her understand.
We walk together deeper into the forest that is creating itself under our feet.
What do you want now? I ask.
A cave from a red rock appears before us. We can hear the sound of dripping water and I can smell earthy water, It is heavy and soothing.
She stands at the entrance looking like a shiny coin. Her smile is soft and kind and I feel that she is older and happier.
“Will you join me in a warm bath?” she says.
‘This is the point you say goodbye to your sub-personality as they completed their transformation’ I usually say to my students, but now I say nothing.
She stretches her arms to me and says “let’s do this one together, like sisters.”
I decide to break the rules.
She created such a great opportunity and I feel the ache of my body in my bones calling me to leave the teacher behind and just be a woman in search of healing.
We enter together to the red cave to find a perfectly charming twin’s shallow pools of warm and full of iron water.
We undress to our birth suite and deep ourselves slowly in the pinkish water listening to the sounds and synch ourselves to the slower rhythm of the earth.
I feel every cell in my body is relaxing.
“Thank you Rayta”. I say with gratitude.
She stretches her body in the water and says “I am so satisfied in what I am creating.
She looks at me with a charming look and says: “We are just two sisters visiting our mother’s house”.
I close my eyes and feel the vibrations around me with gratitude and I tell my students in my head: “never underestimate your sub-personality they are always going to surprise and teach you”.
“Yes, we do” I hear a giggle from the other pool.
I try again to let go of my role as a teacher and just enjoy this moment but the Healer in me is coming up again.
I dive into the water and think: “Who else wants to talk to me today?
Here is a short meditation video to clear regret.
